By now your baby will certainly want to feed herself, and you should encourage this declaration of independence, no matter how messy it continues to be. Offer your youngster finger foods at every meal, and let her initiate feedings by picking up the spoon or a bit of food. Once she can spoon-feed herself competently (this usually happens at around 15 months), stop feeding her yourself. Let her set the pace-if she's taking a break or seems to be finished, respect her wishes. When offering a new food, give her a small taste and allow her time to respond before offering another spoonful. If she seems to dislike a particular food, don't force the issue. Doing so is a recipe for disaster. Remember, preferences change quickly at this age: Offer the same rejected item to your child next week and you may have better luck.

Making mealtimes pleasant is an important way to encourage a healthy attitude toward food. To minimize battles, pay no attention if your child refuses certain foods or won't eat at all. What really matters is the balance of food he consumes over a week or two, not just what he eats in one day. Indeed, many psychologists believe that the harm that results from tension over food is potentially longer lasting than any brief nutritional deficit due to finicky behavior or a less- than-ideal craving.

You also should avoid scurrying around preparing alternatives. (Of course, this doesn't mean you should serve your baby foods that he has a serious aversion to, or that you shouldn't serve foods he likes.) Because young children tend to have bland palates, you may need to eliminate spices from your little one's portions and avoid serving him strong-flavored foods like broccoli or fish. But you needn't work your menus around him, and you should help him get used to variety. The sooner he becomes flexible in his eating, the better for everyone.