You have a toddler at home, she wants you in front of her eyes 24/7. All she want is only mommy, no other family member. You’re looking forward to Sesame Street so you could slip quietly from the room. After a full morning of playing Barbies and fingerpainting, its time to shower, call your friends or squeeze in some work. But not 10 seconds later, the inevitable MOMMY! wail will find you. Your daughter needs you now — to fix the blanket, give her another toy, change the channel. In short, she is wrangling for the big A-word: Attention.

At the same time, her older brother, is getting quieter everyday. That’s because you are not spending time with him. You want to find some time for him too but your toddler is making it impossible.

Of course, kids need and deserve our attention, especially when they’re excited, troubled, hurt or upset. But with some kids, it’s never enough. Over-the-top attention seeking can drain your energies and affect the whole family; it can make your child over reliant and in older kids, it can even be manipulative.

So how should you handle your little attention seeker? Read on for the tips.

The fact is your child will lap up whatever amount of attention you’re willing to give. And it’s no wonder. As a newborn, she was your world. Then life changed. She became more independent, you started taking breaks from her — for yourself, your spouse, your work, your other kids. And she may want that focus back because attention feels good.

But if you find that your child’s behavior is escalating to the point where it’s affecting family dynamics, it’s time to address it.

What’s causing this endless me, me, me behavior? There can be many triggers: you being swamped at work, or the new baby sucking up your energy, or a change of schools. Whatever the reason, if your child feels she’s not getting enough airtime, you can bet she won’t politely ask Mom or Dad for more. Instead, she’ll let you know by her actions.

To curb attention seeking, your first step is to identify it. It’s hard to do, though, because often attention seeking seems just like plain old bad behavior. Children realize early that the surest way to capture your attention is to misbehave. That’s because, ironically, we tend to give our kids more attention for bad behavior than we do for good. When junior is quietly reading a book, you’re likely to keep silent or take that time to mop the kitchen floor. But if he rips out the pages, you’ll be back — and all over him — in a flash.

When kids don’t get attention for acting nicely, they act up. They’ll definitely take attention for bad behavior over no attention at all.

Kids vie for attention in very different ways. Some acts downright naughty, they’ll block the TV show you are watching, for instance, or spill water on the table, just to get a rise out of Mom. But other cry, make fuss, struggle with things around the house etc..

If you do encourage it, attention-seeking misbehavior may continue as your child ages. Whether it’s door slamming, dragging muddy shoes across the hall or blaring his iPod, once he appreciates his power to make you sit up and take notice, chances are, he’ll keep it up.

It’s a frustrating fact that if you respond to misbehavior by screaming, nagging or giving in, you’re just perpetuating it. Arguing, reasoning, pleading, threatening, that’s all attention. So, really, you’re giving your child what she’s often subconsciously seeking.

To break the cycle, be careful what behavior you reward with your attention. It’s actually quite simple: If you want her to continue what she’s doing, make a big fuss over it. Otherwise, don’t.

Saying “good job” is not enough. You have to give her the attention she craves, and deserves. So next time you see her sharing candy with her little brother, or coloring nicely on her own, drop the laundry basket, home in on her and really ham it up. Make sure you use lots of words.

By contrast, you should respond to your child’s misbehavior by giving it very little attention. Either ignore it or calmly mete out a clear, one-warning consequence. Either way, be consistent. Same goes for consequences — you have to follow through.

Kids are less likely to throw a tantrum to get attention if they already feel noticed. If each of your children can count on your complete, undivided attention at least once every day, they’ll have less reason to fight for it at other times.

Giving the best attention

• Give praise and attention for behaving well and doing chores.
• Don’t allow interruptions — the other kids should be busy, the computer should be off, voice mail should answer the phone.
• Let your child choose the activity. It can be anything: reading books, playing catch or just lying together and talking.
• Make sure you get down to his level, both physically (eye level) and figuratively (developmental level).
• Take the time to ask questions and to listen when your child opens up.
• Don’t just go through the motions. Really immerse yourself in your child’s world.
• Set a daily time where each child knows she gets your full attention. (For older kids, you could also schedule an exclusive outing once a month.)