In the heat of toddler battles, parents often forget that, deep down, their child wants their approval. So informing your little one about your expectations for her behavior -- in a positive way -- can go a good distance toward preventing confrontations. Explain in clear, specific terms to your child what you expect in a given situation -- and why you expect it. Then, try to "catch" your child being good. "I see you're coloring very nicely on the paper instead of on the wall. That really makes me happy," you might say. Or "Thank you for putting your dirty clothes in the hamper. That's a big help."

Avoid the power trap many parents fall into -- using discipline as a way to show your child who's boss. "Because I said so" may be something most of us heard during our own childhoods. But asserting parental prerogative simply because it makes us feel more in control doesn't teach kids much about what's acceptable behavior -- and why it's so important.

Another common parental pitfall: viewing discipline as an unpleasant, guilt-inducing task reserved for times of crisis. A far better way to view the job is to consider the effect of different daily discipline styles on kids. Children whose parents are permissive, granting their offspring a great deal of latitude, tend to lack self-control and self-reliance later on. Those whose parents are authoritarian, with a do-it-my-way approach, often become dependent and irresponsible. But children raised by parents who make a point of encouraging individuality while also enforcing rules and setting clear expectations of appropriate behavior usually become the most well adjusted and independent of all.

So, what do you do when reality strikes -- such as when your 2-year-old insists on using his plastic hammer to not-so-playfully bop his baby sister on the head? If several stern warnings fail to stem the misbehavior, what do you do next? Often the best way to deal with this situation is to let your child learn by "natural consequences." That is, you offer a choice: Play nicely with the toy, or have it taken away for the day. Of course, if one child is posing a real threat to the safety of another, put the toy out of reach.

Two can be a tricky age for this approach, however; much depends on the child's individual development. Most 2-year-olds may not remember rules from one instance to the next, so you must be prepared to repeat your limits often. And early in their second year, some children don't yet have the self-control to stop themselves from misbehaving, even when they understand that an action goes against a parent's wishes. If that's the case, the only effective way to put your child back on track might be to separate her from the tempting situation (by removing the toy) and then to distract her with another game.

While toddler misbehavior often originates from the desire to test limits and defy authority, the reason underlying a child's misdeeds may also be nothing more than fatigue or a change in routine. Although your 2-year-old's verbal skills are growing rapidly, he may still be a good year or two away from using his words to explain, "I don't feel well" or "I miss my old babysitter." Instead, he might throw a temper tantrum or pull the cat's tail.

No wonder parents get confused -- and need to be flexible. While kids need consistency -- day in, day out -- about what's allowed and what's not, different situations may call for varying strategies. In addition, children vary widely in how they respond to a given tactic. All some kids need is a firm no, while others, possibly future diplomats, will try to negotiate, again and again, to get what they want.

As you deal with any misbehavior, try to tune in to your child's feelings. Is she angry or hurt? Listen not only to what your toddler says but to what her body language tells you. Then, don't limit yourself to only one or two standard options in deciding how to handle the situation. Here are some kid-tested ways to cope -- and the times when they're likely to work best.

• Hugs and soothing words: With his love of ritual and routine, a toddler may easily become overwhelmed by a new situation. Sometimes what a child needs more than anything is reassurance. A 2-year-old's tantrums are often fueled by frustration-over an inability to button clothing, for example. Here, holding the child and comforting him while offering assistance and encouragement can help.
• Practicing "PNA" (pay no attention): Ignoring your child's outbursts for a minute or two may give you both a chance to cool down. If you sense that your child is constantly acting out to provoke a reaction, evaluate the time you spend together; she may need more undivided attention.
• Distraction: You're unlikely to divert a 2-year-old's focus at the height of a full-blown tantrum. But once he's calmed down a bit, draw his attention to something new or interesting: "Look at that pretty picture over there. Is that a dog or a kitty cat?"
• Compromise: This underestimated approach can help solve parent-child disputes -- such as how many lights to leave on at bedtime -- by giving your toddler a measure of control. This is also helpful when your child doesn't want to leave the playground or a playmate's house; compromise by agreeing to stay a set amount of additional time, such as "one more minute" or "five minutes." Then, stick to your guns. Once you've struck a deal, your child shouldn't feel that she can continually renegotiate.
• Calming down: Sometimes a toddler's misbehavior results from his inability to "downshift" on his own after being overstimulated. You can help smooth potential trouble spots by having a cooling-down period during a time of transition. Take a few minutes to engage your child in quiet conversation after he's visited a playmate's house, saying, "That was fun playing at Sam's house. What was the most fun thing you did today?" Wait until your child is calm and rested before moving on to the next activity.
• Taking a time-out: In this technique -- popular with parents and experts -- you interrupt the undesired behavior by removing your child to a quiet place to calm down. Make the message stronger by seating her in a special spot after harmful or disruptive behavior that simply can't be ignored. But avoid banishing your child to a time-out for every little misdeed. That will diminish the effectiveness of this punishment.

First, choose a site that's far enough away from the action to make her feel somewhat isolated, but close enough for you to keep an eye on her. A chair, a corner, or a lower stair step will do. Then, when she misbehaves, reiterate the rule she has broken, and send her to the chair or step. Many 2-year-olds won't comply with your directions, so you may need to lead or carry your child to the designated spot. Expect some protests, and try to ignore them.

Once your child is in time-out, keep her there for about three minutes; experts generally recommend that the length of the time-out correspond to your child's age, with one minute for each year. A kitchen timer can help make the "sentence" more understandable. One important aspect of time-out is isolation, so be sure not to talk to her, and don't allow any fun diversions such as TV or toys. What about the wriggly 2-year-old who just won't stay put? Hold her in the chair with one hand for the entire two minutes. This may seem harsh, but eventually your child will learn to sit still.

Once the time-out has concluded, make coming back to "time-in" with you a warm, happy, and desired experience. Don't mention the misbehavior again, and continue playing with your child as if nothing had happened.