When is the best time to tell your other children about the new baby who will be joining the family? It really depends upon the ages of the older children. But whether your children are 19 months old or 19 years old, it is always best to inform them before you go to the hospital and before the baby is born. An older child should not be suddenly surprised with a newborn baby as though the baby were a new toy. Let your good common sense and intelligence guide you when deciding the appropriate time to convey the news. Here are some suggestions that may help you with possible approaches to the issue.

Because your two, three or four-year-old children have little concept of time, it is necessary to tell them from the moment you are pregnant. Children have difficulty distinguishing between tomorrow and eight months from now, so there is no need to burden them with the suspense. A good time to tell them is about the forth or fifth month, when your abdomen is obviously growing larger. By then your child will probably notice something big is about to happen. Since the lives of the other children will certainly be affected, they will want to know what is going on and should be told.

A natural and intelligent method of breaking the news is for the mother to casually and simply take the child aside and say, “In a little while, there will be a new baby in the house.” You could then explain what babies look like and what will happen to the family when the baby arrives. Some questions should be avoided. For example, do not ask your child: “How would you like to share your room?” or “How would you like to sleep in a big bed so that the new baby can have your crib?” both questions are likely to elicit a negative response from the child.

Your attitude needs to be positive and firm as you plan for the new addition to your household. Try to help the older children of school age see the newcomer as an event that is exciting and one in which they will continue to be important and necessary. For example, you could take them to maternity hospital or show them pictures in a brochure to help eliminate their apprehensions. Also include them when you begin planning the baby’s room and getting the layette ready. One good way to make older children feel involved is to give them additional small responsibilities as though they are helping you. Making beds, cleaning tables, or other small chores depending on their ages and capabilities can give them the sense that they are being helpful. They will then enjoy their new importance and independence and understand the reasons behind it.

There are also some attitudes you should avoid. Do not give the older child the impression that the new baby is taking his or her place, and do not tell older children that the attention which they formerly received must now be shared. In fact, it is important to give the older children even more attention when you bring the new baby home. Another good idea is to keep a stock of items on hand to give to the other children in case some well-meaning friends send the baby gifts. Whenever you think that the older children need it, you should bestow your attention on them because young children need constant reassurance that they are loved. Occasionally you may even want to express some slight annoyance toward the new baby so that the older children will be reassured that the baby is not the center of the universe. Keeping your other children feeling important, loved, and involved can be a delicate balancing act, but it will pay dividends in avoiding unnecessary problems later.

The best decisions you can make concerning the raising of your children will come from intelligence, your practical experience, and your common sense.