The pressure in schools is mounting more and more – and at earlier ages. The overscheduled reality of our lives as adults has begun to filter down to our children. A lot of the time, they’ve over booked – dashing from soccer practice, to flute lessons – and overworked. Taking the pressure off your child will help them be happier and healthier in the long run.

Children become stressed when they feel too much pressure from their parents, their teachers, or themselves. Stress manifests itself in a number of ways in children, ranging from frequent outbursts and crying to major changes in energy level and a sudden need for constant reassurance.

Young children may revert to more immature behaviors when they feel stressed, including thumb sucking, bed-wetting, trouble sleeping alone, and clinginess. They may also develop a severe school phobia and cry or complain of physical distress when there. Kids often respond physically to stress, exhibiting responses like chewing fingernails, fidgeting, and nervous tics.

Particularly in gifted children and boys, stress can mimic ADD symptoms such as hyperactivity and difficulty concentrating.

Stress can create physical symptoms such as stomach pains or headaches. Although it’s important to get these checked out by a physician, keep your otherwise-healthy child in school while you resolve the cause of his stress.

Playing sick is the oldest trick in the book. If your child keeps claiming to be sick, there is a good chance he is trying to avoid someone or something at school. Get to the root of the problem, and rule out a legitimate physical complaint by offering to make a doctor’s appointment the same day.

Children often respond to stress with attention-seeking behaviors and sudden mood swings, especially as they get older. Conversely, some children respond to stress by increasingly isolating themselves, retreating inward and confining themselves to their rooms.

As children tend to exaggerate the severity of a setback, help your child contextualize the issue and view it as minor. Highlight moments when your child works to the best of his ability and tries his hardest, instead of focusing on final products of perfection.

If the symptoms persist and the problem doesn’t resolve itself on its own, look for outside help:

Look into the school’s counseling center. In-school counseling has a number of advantages, such as easy access to your child’s teacher and knowledge of the school environment, which can offer a broader perspective on what’s going on.

Your child’s pediatrician is also a good resource. In addition to ruling out anything physical, your child’s primary care physician can recommend a good psychologist covered by your health plan. Encourage your child to have high expectations for himself and work toward those goals, but don’t push him to perform at a level for which he isn’t ready. Children who are pushed too hard and too soon often fall short, and they inevitably feel crushed when they do. Instead of being proud of accomplishments, these children wind up feeling like they’re only working to make their parents happy.

HOW SHOULD I REACT TO MY PERFECTIONIST CHILD WHO STRESSES HIMSELF OUT?

Hidden behind some children’s persistent, self-deprecating comments is the belief that if they don’t live up to certain expectations, they will be lifelong failures. If you notice your child repeatedly belittling himself, reassure him that you love him no matter what, and encourage him to look at himself in a more positive and realistic way. Don’t just attribute comments like “I’m dumb” or “I can’t do anything” to momentary frustration. Ask your child to explain why he feels the way he does and encourage him to see the difficulties he faces as challenges rather than reflections of inadequacies.

With performance-based measures now in place to assess schools and individual teacher performance, it is easy for your child to get swept up in apprehension about his scores, leaving him anxious and entirely result-orientated instead of luxuriating in the process of learning itself.

If your child is a perfectionist, he will view even the smallest mistakes as proof of his failures. He will likely opt out of competitive activities or limit his activities to those at which he knows he can excel. He may also tend to leave his work to the last minute and suffer through constant anxiety about getting it done perfectly.

Some children come by perfectionism naturally; worrying so much about making mistakes they keep redoing the same assignment until they feel they have gotten it exactly right. If your child acts this way, try to lessen the pressure he feels to please you, his teachers, or himself.

Tell your perfectionist that success comes through mistakes. Sit down together and have him list things he has avoided or has wanted to do but wouldn’t because of his fear, and encourage him to try one of these activities. Explain to your child it’s more important to learn new things and enjoy himself than do something perfectly or be the best at every activity.