Your little girl got 35/100 marks on a science report and came home in tears, so you called the teacher, steamed. You signed up to help with the class Diwali party, but then you got that call from the boss and didn’t show. Your 10-year-old son messed up, but, listen, it wasn’t really his fault, you tell the teacher.

Sometimes — usually because you are worried, excited, busy or just plain passionate — you can present yourself to teachers as, well, difficult. They can’t really tell you that, and often, the situation reflects conditions no one can change. Still, there are some behaviors that you can recognize and try to avoid so you can better communicate with teachers and administrators — which ends up helping your children. Here are some undesirable behaviors and some advice about changing those behaviors:

Put-it-off Preety: You’re a nice guy and you mean well when you promise to help out at the school carnival, check your son’s homework more regularly and get the forms in on time. But somehow, it gets to be Friday, and you’ve forgotten to show up, help out and turn in those forms.

Advice: Stop promising so much. Write down the dates and times of what you do volunteer for. Ask your child’s teacher for advice on how to be more consistent on the homework front.

Visiting Vandana: You’re at school so much, people assume you’re on the payroll. That’s great…isn’t it?

Advice: Most teachers appreciate help but they don’t want parents in their classrooms 24/7. That forces them to spend valuable time finding things for you to do. Elementary school is not like daycare or even preschool; there is a schedule and an awful lot of teaching to be done. Ask the teacher what day, what time is best to come in. Is there something that can be done from home? Always schedule visits so you are not interrupting a lesson.

Courtroom Connie: You get some bad news about your son’s behavior. You march right over to the school and argue your son’s case like a lawyer. It wasn’t his fault, you maintain. Meanwhile, at home, you threaten a lot, but you often don’t enforce the limits you have given your son.

Advice: It isn’t easy for a teacher to give parents negative news. Thank them for doing so, and try to listen objectively; it could help you in the long run as you raise your child. Ask for possible solutions for the problem. Try to avoid using the words “always” or “never.” Replace them with the word “and.” For instance: “I know that Tommy is sometimes a sweetheart and sometimes he hurts others. What can we do about that?” Ask parents you admire how they establish and maintain limits with their children.

What’s-wrong Vishal: You often focus on what needs to be changed and what goes wrong at your child’s school rather than what works well and what goes right. You are quick to offer criticism, less so to give educators praise.

Advice: Don’t tell, ask. You will get more from people when you talk to them as if you are on the same team. Try starting conversations with, “I need your help.” Then explain your concern without blaming anyone. If you feel yourself slipping, say, “I’m sorry if I sound demanding; I just really want to do the right thing for my child.”

Too-busy Magha: Life lately has been so busy, you don’t even know what day of the week it is anymore. You can’t begin to think about a parent-teacher conference, and, worse, your child has been showing up to school tired and hungry.

Advice: Being busy doesn’t make you a bad parent. And sometimes, life can really get in the way due to forces you cannot control. Let the teacher know some of this, and that you may be hard to reach. Offer to communicate via email or after hours. As for your child, keep a stash of fruit and nutritious breakfast bars that he can grab when you cannot provide a better breakfast.