Before you step in to confront the problem yourself, it’s better to see if you can help your child to do it herself. Learning how to stand up for one’s self is a skill important for dealing with many situations in life.

• Help your child to examine what went wrong. Explore the dynamics of her friendships together. Working backwards through memories of tension and conflict may be very useful in figuring out what happened to cause this result and the first step in deciding the best way to approach the problem or the bullies themselves.
• Ask your child if he has any ideas for how to make new friends. Asking what he would like to do about the situation and what he would like you to do gives your child a sense of control and can help rebuild his damaged self-esteem.
• Help your child to find one ally. Even having one friend to sit with on the bus or check in with during the day can be a great source of confidence for your child.
• A good strategy is to involve your child in activities or groups that will give him alternative social outlets—camp, sports, art, week-long youth programs, volunteering, or denominational groups. Get a feel for the social groups at the activity first, talk to the other parents, and try to find a warm, open, and friendly community.
• Have the first playdate at your house if it will increase your child’s comfort level and allow you to discretely observe how well the children play together and what they decide to spend their time doing.
• Avoid play sessions that exceed an hour or two, especially the first few times the children play together.